Lately I feel my creative spark has kind of been in need of some assistance, as I haven't really been having any super interesting thoughts or experiences. Maintaining a blog is pretty hard work - laugh you may, but it is. Trying to be funny without coming off like you're trying to be funny is a balance that is hard to keep in check - and I may or may not have been accomplishing that thus far - as I think I am hilarious but others may not.
It's called 'dry humor'. And it's fucking hard to relay in written communication.
Anyways, as a recovering stoner my solution to jolt my creativity was of course to hit the bong. And get this, I thought of the best topic ever while I was high: Weed!
Don't you just love the preaching you get from pot heads about how great weed is, and how outrageous it is that it's illegal? Yes, yes. We all know that weed should be legalized for a variety of reasons: It creates jobs, it can be taxed, it's never directly been related to any death, there are medicinal uses, etc., etc.
But really, try and imagine life where we are all freely stoned. You would be in line at Starbuck's for hours as every person indecisively ordered their drink - then once you did finally figure out what your cotton-mouth was craving you'd have to repeat it to the cashier eight times while they repeated it another twelve times to the barista who would probably manage to screw up your Grande soy mocha latte with a shot of espresso anyways. And that's just your morning coffee run.
You're probably thinking, "but not everyone likes to smoke weed."
Well, news flash. They do. Everyone smokes weed. And if you don't - well, you're lying.
Not saying we all smoke all day everyday, but we all smoke, or at least did at some time. And if you truly don't or haven't, come hang out with me - I'm great at peer pressure.
Which is why if weed did become legal I would like to pursue a career in weed sales. I think I would be great at that. I mean, I guess weed doesn't have to be legal in order for me to begin a career in the sale of it, but I just picture it being more professional than sitting on my couch with a scale and baggies on my coffee table waiting around for you and all your buddies to get the itch.
I picture like a totally hip, high-end dispensary (no pun intended)- kind of like a sushi bar... but with weed. And during the weekends I would hold Blunt Rolling 101. Because every good stoner needs to know how to role a perfect blunt.
Yes, indeed, I make my parents' proud. Not only do I have a college degree that I am using to bar tend, but I am thoroughly planning my future career in marijuana sales.
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