White Girl Hip Hop.

Music is just another way for people to identify themselves. I guess that's why it's such a common question upon meeting someone new. What kind of music you like says a lot about you in other aspects of your life. Depending on what kind of music people like I can automatically think of a stereotype that goes with that particular genre of music.
Electronica: Likes skateboarding, dropping acid, and flat-brimmed hats. Wears sunglasses at night and is currently on their 5th year of college while working at the local coffee shop. Has a thing for glow sticks and laser shows.
Country: Probably owns a pick up truck and a dog. Entire wardrobe consists of plaid shirts and cut-off jeans. May or may not have a country twang, but always believes "ain't" is a real word. Loves Busch Light, bon fires, and Skol.
Pop: Usually females. Usually under 25. Blonde with very screechy voices. Boy obsessed and the mess of the party. Community college drop outs who still live with their parent's while pursuing their modeling career. Enjoys tanning, shopping and drunken cat fights.

Like everything in my life, when it comes to music I am very cliche. I like everything. Music is a reflection of emotion and will. What I feel and what I am doing greatly impacts what kind of music I feel like listening to. I also seem to go through phases with what kind of music I gravitate to most at specific times. Right now I'm in a weird rap and hip-hop phase.
Rap has always been my go-to when it comes to runs. There's nothing like some Eminem to pump you up for a good five mile workout, but lately I've overstepped the boundary between my 'workout' music and my 'pleasure' music as I find myself jamming to Jurassic 5 and Geto Boys on a fairly regular basis. By fairly regular, I mean every time I get in the car. Or put on my running shoes. Or pour myself a cocktail...

So if you would like to experience a suburban white girl's hip-hop/rap mania, here is my go-to, every day, speaker bumpin' playlist:
1. White America - Eminem, I don't care what anyone says, Eminem is a fucking genius and an amazing lyricist.
2. Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta - Geto Boys, one hit wonders? I'm not sure, but this is a total feel good song.
3. Work it Out - Jurassic 5
4. I Need Drugs - Necro, his lisp is the best.
5. Express Yourself - NWA
6. OPP - Naughty by Nature, you know the song... you just don't listen to it. But you should.
7. Changes - 2pac, I mean... he really puts the original version to shame.
8. The Way You Move - Outkast
9. Mo Money Mo Problems - Notorious BIG featuring Mase and Puff Daddy (pre P. Diddy)
10. Marijuana - Kid Cudi, yea, you can use context clues to tell you what this song is about - but you don't have to be high to enjoy it - although it would be nice...
11. Welcome to Atlanta - Jermaine Dupri featuring Ludacris
12. You - Atmosphere, the newer, better, white boys of hip-hop. It's hard to find a bad Atmosphere song.
13. The Salmon Dance - The Chemical Brothers featuring Fatlip, whether you want to learn a new dance (the salmon) or you want to know some trivia about salmon... bad ass song - and kind of funny.
14. Young, Wild & Free - Snoop Dogg and Wiz Khalifa, especially loving this song right now.
15. Thin Line - Jurassic 5 featuring Nelly Furtado, yes Nelly Furtado had a career after being 'like a bird'.
16. Lose Yourself - Eminem, great song for that moment in your workout where you just want to put a gun to your head.
17. Starships - Nicki Minaj, I have to at least one girl on this list... and Nicki is pretty awesome.
18. Make Her Say - Kid Cudi featuring Kanye West and Common
19. Crazy Rap - Afroman, you know you've cruised to this song before.
20. So Rich, So Pretty - Mickey Avalon, hilarious song about materialism and narcissism - two of my biggest demons.

So there you have it. According to my stereotyping capabilities I am a champion blunt roller and enjoy drinking Cobra 40's on the corner of 63rd and California. I wear Baby Phat and have 3 kids with 3 baby daddy's. I am also partial to kool-aid, usually purple, and Harold's Chicken.
(Only half of this is accurate)

The High Life.

Lately I feel my creative spark has kind of been in need of some assistance, as I haven't really been having any super interesting thoughts or experiences. Maintaining a blog is pretty hard work - laugh you may, but it is. Trying to be funny without coming off like you're trying to be funny is a balance that is hard to keep in check - and I may or may not have been accomplishing that thus far - as I think I am hilarious but others may not.

It's called 'dry humor'. And it's fucking hard to relay in written communication.

Anyways, as a recovering stoner my solution to jolt my creativity was of course to hit the bong. And get this, I thought of the best topic ever while I was high: Weed!

Don't you just love the preaching you get from pot heads about how great weed is, and how outrageous it is that it's illegal? Yes, yes. We all know that weed should be legalized for a variety of reasons: It creates jobs, it can be taxed, it's never directly been related to any death, there are medicinal uses, etc., etc.

But really, try and imagine life where we are all freely stoned. You would be in line at Starbuck's for hours as every person indecisively ordered their drink - then once you did finally figure out what your cotton-mouth was craving you'd have to repeat it to the cashier eight times while they repeated it another twelve times to the barista who would probably manage to screw up your Grande soy mocha latte with a shot of espresso anyways. And that's just your morning coffee run.
You're probably thinking, "but not everyone likes to smoke weed."
Well, news flash. They do. Everyone smokes weed. And if you don't - well, you're lying.
Not saying we all smoke all day everyday, but we all smoke, or at least did at some time. And if you truly don't or haven't, come hang out with me - I'm great at peer pressure.
Which is why if weed did become legal I would like to pursue a career in weed sales. I think I would be great at that. I mean, I guess weed doesn't have to be legal in order for me to begin a career in the sale of it, but I just picture it being more professional than sitting on my couch with a scale and baggies on my coffee table waiting around for you and all your buddies to get the itch.
I picture like a totally hip, high-end dispensary (no pun intended)-  kind of like a sushi bar... but with weed. And during the weekends I would hold Blunt Rolling 101. Because every good stoner needs to know how to role a perfect blunt.

Yes, indeed, I make my parents' proud. Not only do I have a college degree that I am using to bar tend, but I am thoroughly planning my future career in marijuana sales.

Love at First Click.

Is it just me, or is online dating totally whack? Have we really become so lazy that we are now allowing a database to pick our future mate? I mean I do think that there are a few circumstances where online dating is appropriate and helpful - like if you're middle-aged and/or divorced or you have some odd fetish that requires you to dress up like a giant bunny while you're having sex - but other than the few exceptions, the rule should be that if you're under 40, stop snuggling with your cats and get out of the house and go find a date, dammit.

Maybe it's because I am shamelessly a huge flirt and love attention from men, but I just don't see the appeal of finding a date over the Internet. And what about the chase? Isn't the chase one of the most intriguing parts of a new relationship? That unknown as to whether or not they like you as much as you like them? Online dating totally eliminates this from the dating equation. 

Aside from that, I find that it would be rather embarrassing if an acquaintance of mine stumbled upon my dating profile, as it would probably say something like, "Looking for a fun, spontaneous, successful man to take me on a trip around the world!" 

Awkward moments ahead.

And then, if the computer did happen to pick out the love of my life, we would have to spend the rest of our lives putting together a scenario as to how we met - because we certainly didn't meet over the Internet - as far as everyone I know is concerned.

Maybe we met one day when we were both out for a run along the lake. We had passed each other several times before, but this particular day was extra humid and we were both running slower than usual, so we began to run together. That's kind of romantic and believable, right? Although, I fear that as we age the story may change, losing any sort of authenticity. 

And so my future husband will be the result an organic meeting in a coffee shop - or let's be real, probably a bar; as it seems that having to live a lie for all eternity is much more strenuous than going out and having some drinks with the hopes that my man is out doing the same. 

And if that doesn't work - I'll be 40 in 16 years.

Damn it Feels Good to be a Hipster.

So I'm a little bit saddened by the fact that I might be a little bit too old to drastically change my appearance in any way. I mean, I know that I am not old old, but I am too old to just randomly get a new tattoo and my nose pierced unless I'm really committed for the long haul - I'm kind of past the whole "it was just a phase I went through" part of life, which sucks because I just really want to be a part of this whole wanna-be hippie craze that is going on right now.
Having a nose ring and an awesomely terrible pair of shades is something I am secretly jealous of. I want to get up in the morning and style my hair to make it look like I didn't wash it, and then put on a plaid shirt that I got from Nordstrom but looks like I got it at Good Will. And then I want to get on my retro powder blue bicycle and ride around for a little bit before my $200 ankle-length flower drawstring skirt gets caught in the chain - but it's okay if it does, because if it rips it will totally make my outfit way more hippie and cool.

I bet hippies are so pissed that their style is now a trend. Actually, I take that back - hippies probably don't care that this is a trend... and if they do care they probably think that it is hilarious that this is a trend. The entire idea of what it is to be a 'hipster' is one big oxymoron.
Isn't a hippie someone who doesn't believe in conforming with society? Someone who doesn't believe in materialism? Someone who doesn't judge others based on beliefs or appearance?
Isn't it funny that someone who is a 'hipster' is following a trend? Someone who is buying things to fit a certain look and be in a certain crowd? Someone who is clearly judging others because they are expecting to be judged by others?

I guess I'll just continue to dress in my 'timeless,' 'classic,' 'cliche' fashion that makes me look like I follow trends and that I care too much about my appearance - oh, wait. Because I do care about my appearance.

Besides... I don't want my kids to look back at pictures of me and say "ew, mommy, who's that dirty hippie girl?"

Sarcasm and Wit. It's the Irish Way.

It's that time of year again - where we all get belligerent, and we're all just a little bit Irish. Yes, you indeed guessed correctly (thanks to my use of green font), Saint Patrick's Day is upon us. And I in fact, take great pride in that I am Irish year round, rather than just for the day as I feel that the stereotypical 'Irish way' is accurate in who I am as a person.


"The so-called Irish temperament is a mixture of flaming ego, hot temper, stubbornness, great personal charm and warmth, and a wit that shines through adversity. An irrepressible buoyancy, a vivacious spirit, a kindliness and tolerance for the common frailties of man and a feeling that 'it is time enough to bid the devil good morning when you meet him' are character traits which Americans have associated with their Irish neighbors for more than a century." -Carl Wittke, Historian


I will be the first in admitting that I completely romanticize what it means to be Irish, as no matter what your heritage is, you tend have an idealized view as to what it means to be who it is that you claim you are. But the truth is that I really do resonate with what in my eyes, it is to be Irish; however I will only tell you in so many words that I find myself to be a kindhearted, charming and free-spirited lass (need I say witty?).


And so, instead of sitting here blogging about how I think I'm such a philosophical effervescent human-being, I will honor my ancestors by providing you with some of my all time favorite Irish proverbs and toasts that you can put to use during tomorrow's festivities:

• "May your pockets be heavy, and your heart be light, may good luck pursue you each morning and night."
• "May the roof above us never fall in, and may we friends below never fall out."
• "You can't kiss an Irish girl unexpectedly, only sooner than she thought you would."
• "Here's to our wives and girlfriends: May they never meet!" (for the sake of authenticity I have not replaced the obvious)
• "'Tis better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money!"
• "It is often that a person's mouth broke his nose."
• "What butter and whisky won't cure, there is no cure for."
• "As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters point in the other direction."

It goes without saying that there is clearly much deeper meaning behind these sayings, but that's what makes them as great as they are - to take life circumstances, some good and some bad, that are familiar to all and relay them in a buoyant way.

Slainte!

Warning! Life May Cause Death.

Just as I am trying to avoid my blog being a personal journal, I am also trying to avoid this being a place where I bitch - but can I just get one thing off my chest?
I am SO OVER hearing about every little thing that is going to make us die!!!


I swear, if it's not the cigarettes I'm smoking, it's the diet pop that I'm drinking or the Dentyne I'm chewing. God forbid I talk on my cell phone or use the microwave without getting radiation poisoning, and how I've made it this long using deodorant and still have retained any memory at all is just absolutely astounding. Yeah, can you believe it? I'm quite risky. I even drink water bottles that have been sitting in my car for week, and dare to leave the house without sunscreen most days (by most days I mean everyday). Sometimes when I'm feeling exceptionally invincible I eat my apples without washing them. And do I dare admit that I like the smell of gasoline and permanent marker? I know, I just thoroughly enjoy living on the edge.

I mean, really people. What are you going to do? Sit in a padded room and await your demise? It's just so absolutely ridiculous! Is a life so cautiously lived even worth living?

I'm not saying that we should all go to the gas station and huff the pumps or strive to smoke 3 packs a day, but have we really become so paralyzed by the fear of death that we're willing to drastically alter the way we live our lives just for a few extra years on this earth? What's more, a few extra years that are of no guarantee?

Death is one thing that every single living thing on this planet has in common - I hate to break it to all the optimists out there, but one day you're going to die. So you may as well come to terms with your fate, and enjoy all the vices that life has to offer.

"Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'." -Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption

Ode to the Little Things.

So daylight savings kicked in this morning, and it's as if the weather gods in Chicago decided to grace us with some beautiful temperatures to go along with the extra daylight. I don't know if it's just a midwest thing, seeing as our days of sunny skies are limited, but there's something about a gorgeous day that makes me want to fire up the grill, crack open a beer, and well, frankly just waste the day away (As Lennon once mentioned, "The time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted"). Especially in those first few days of Spring where we've finally gotten past the month of February; which I recently heard referred to as, "the worst month ever invented," and I find it hard to argue against this.

As anyone who knows me knows, I am notorious for threatening spur of the moment moves to warmer more enjoyable areas of the world, which usually have no substance or backing behind them; but simply arise because I am bored with my current position in life - or more accurately, I am just so over scraping my windshield and negative wind chills blowing up my jacket.

However with that said, as any Chicago native will tell you, there's nothin' like Summer in the city.

And so Summer is upon the midwest again, and accompanied by the rise in temperatures and extended period of daylight, is a heightened sense of happiness. For the next three months, my threats of running away will cease to exist as I carpe diem and drink the summer away. Iced coffees and flip flops will return to occupy my hands and feet as I lay in the grass pretending that my freckled complexion will actually tan. Afternoon trips to Oak Street Beach and Burnham Harbor will once again refresh why I love having a job that occupies my nights instead of days, and races through the city streets that lead me to athletic drinking fest's will remind me how sinful it is to run on a treadmill. And what girl could say no to a calming stroll down Michigan Avenue, sun shining down, wind in your hair, Nordstrom bags on your arm?

Yes, there's nothing like 9 months of Winter to make you appreciate 3 months of Summer. Hey, it's circumstances such as this that make us enjoy the little things in life - and if you can't appreciate the little things, can you really appreciate anything?